I apologize for the crickets here at the blog. These last few weeks of work are intense, and I’m dealing with some other obligations, as well. Just eight more work days before summer break and I can focus on Five Seed with all my attention! In the meantime, my awesome friend and fellow blogger, EcoGrrl, is picking up the slack for me. I abolutely love this post she wrote about empowerment, change and joy.
What if I made it okay to be who I am at this exact moment?
Wear the clothes that compliment this body. Love the curve and love the life within me, that light I shine on others. It’s a challenge to sit up on this precipice and not jump, to balance and look up and out versus down and inside.
And they have come to me. They ask about what I can do to show them the way. They see me. He sees me. And it seems, I see me. It’s why I know I am not where I should be in the day. I know and I love what I have to offer. Not everyone there does. They can’t see it, don’t want to, whatever. It doesn’t matter. No harm, no foul. I am on a journey.
And I see opportunities to give, and that’s what I’m about. That’s where I head towards. This morning I was around a world I should have been all along. The way I grow and build this world I am in and when I stood out in that garden, I could only think how you are supposed to be here. It will be complete when you are here. And I see it, see it so clearly. This is how it needs to be, how it must be.
Jump ahead eight days. I have made big decisions. I have emotions bursting from my heart. I feel my soul opening up.
I am now – finally – headed in the right direction.
My friend sends me The Radical Self Love Manifesto (below) today. As always, our friendship is as it should be. We are connected anywhere in the world. There are few people who cause my blood to slow, my breath to still, my mind to exhale. My closest allies see all that is in me and mirror what I need to see – what I’m finally beginning to see.
The writer Iyanla Vanzant said, “Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself.” For many years, I believed the negative. When someone criticized me, I felt a failure. And so I failed – repeatedly. Over and over, I dated the same type of man, picked the same type of work environment. They all pleaded, fix me.
And on a dark day one October, my life changed forever. My father died. I was thirty-four years old and my head was on his chest as he took his last breath. The man who set the precedent was gone, and I was forced out into the world, with no more excuses. I was free.
I spent the next three or so years wandering. Nothing seemed to fit. Yet, at the same time, I was facing my fears. Being honest with everyone I connected with. And I wrote, I wrote, I wrote. My promise to myself was that I would find myself through my words, hold nothing back, feel life as raw as I could, and with this, the answers would come.
More people died, from the sudden to the eventual. Jobs came and went. I ventured far for a love who stabbed me in the gut. I grew my garden. A business came and went. I confessed my fears to my closest friends. Quiet surrounded me.
Nothing quite settled within. Then.
It is different today.
I have learned to see one thing. Truth. In the eyes of those I love and in my own heart. Life became too fleeting. His life ended too quickly. And I could no longer spend each day in battle with myself. I could no longer keep hating the way my body had changed with the years. I could no longer see myself as unworthy of love. Maybe I should believe the good instead of the bad. Maybe I had so much to give it was just bursting at the seams. Maybe I could see things for what they really were – pure, imperfect, malleable.
Maybe I could love myself, love this man, love the world for all it is.
And with that, I awoke. I said I was leaving. I made good on my promise to go out on my own terms. I saw the complexity and was grateful. I gave him my entire heart in that moment. I left my past behind. I tucked the lessons in my pocket, and kissed the ground.
I made it okay to be me.
Strive to always be thankful and optimistic. Focus your gaze on what is good & positive; never dwell on the negative. Do not allow life to make you cynical or closed off. Remaining open and true to yourself is a life-long adventure; & the only one worth having. Choose to see the best in people. Strike up conversations with strangers. Never be afraid to ask for what you really, really want. To love, purely and fiercely, without agenda, is the most terrifying and rewarding thing you’ll ever do. Travel is essential to the spirit. A pair of great shoes means nothing if you have an ugly heart. Try your hardest not to judge anyone else; it never leads anywhere good. Always avoid tabloids & gossip; they destroy the soul. Be kind & loyal. Many things in this world are more important than money. Always trust your intuition, always. Rescue animals, it will strengthen your heart. Never delight in anyone else’s misery. Trust in others. You are your own best investment. Believe in the magic of a new day & a fresh start. Follow your bliss. Do more of what you love. Always do the best you can. Create your own family & care for them ferociously. When people offer you opportunities that scare you, say yes: it’s the very best way to grow. You are never as stuck as you think. Stay eager. Love yourself. Say YES to the adventure of life.
~ from galadarling.com