I intended to write this “amendment” to this month’s challenge a long time ago, but boy, this month has been busy! So I’m a little late and the month’s challenge is almost over, except that I never consider these monthly challenges *over.* I consider them to be a set of tasks that I work on and explore over and over and over again. So…
I wanted to be clear about what I meant in this month’s RtL post. I entitled it Dress Beautifully, which I think might have been slightly misunderstood. I used the example of wearing my “fat pants” during my seminar in Portland and feeling insecure and (honestly) fat and ugly, and I related the story of seeing blogger Christa Taylor walk by in a beautiful dress one night and realizing that I could have saved myself the uncomfortable feelings I was experiencing by just dressing nicely. I didn’t mean to imply that this challenge equated self-respect with wearing a dress. Or makeup. Or high heels. You all know how I feel about dressing for comfort. And about makeup. And high heels.
So upon thinking it over, I realized a better title for the challenge would have been the title of this post: Dress So You Feel Beautiful. Your definition of beautiful is all that matters. For me, it wouldn’t have taken much to put on a casual skirt or to wear a shirt that made me feel better about myself during my Portland trip. It wouldn’t have taken much more effort, nor would I have been uncomfortable in different clothes. In fact, I can’t even explain why I consistently choose to wear my two pairs of baggy, unflattering pants and T shirts instead of all the beautiful, breezy blouses I have or the gorgeous, comfortable, custom-made organic cotton skirts I have been investing in these past two years. Laziness? Lack of self-confidence? A little of both?
This is how I usually dress for work. It’s comfortable and easy to wear – just as comfy and easy as my baggy pants!
My point is: It doesn’t ultimately matter what you wear, as long as what you wear makes you feel good about yourself and how you are presenting yourself to the world. I don’t care if you like wearing sweats, yoga pants or ripped flannel shirts – or suits, pencil skirts or platform sandals. As long as you feel good about yourself, wear it with pride. And if you don’t feel beautiful, if you don’t feel that you are putting a little effort into your appearance, if you don’t feel you are presenting yourself in a way that shows your true self to the world – then change it. And it often doesn’t take much. Add a scarf. Wear a little blush. Put on some earrings. Choose a different pair of pants. Try anything.
This continues to be a challenge for me. Those baggy, ugly pants are so tempting to wear. And I do often wear them around the house. However, I’m challenging myself to take a few extra steps when I go out. Whether it was running errands or meeting friends at the coffee shop, this month I have tried to dress as if I’m going to work (and lucky for me, my work dress code is somewhat casual). I pulled out my pretty skirts and wore them with simple T shirts and added scarves or necklaces or something to spice it up. And I felt good. And I know it showed because people consistently commented that I looked nice. I didn’t need the compliments and am not suggesting that we dress for others’ approval. But the compliments reinforce what we already know when we take the time to pick clothing that makes us feel good about ourselves – that we are lovely, beautiful beings of light.
Don’t be afraid to change your closet. So many of us have set up a shrine to our “skinny selves” in our closets. Eighty percent of our clothes are what we wore in college or pre-motherhood or whenever. We are larger now and don’t like that, and so we buy a piece here and there because we have to have something to wear – but the other 80% of our wardrobe is too small, waiting around until we finally lose that weight. Screw that! I gave away my skinny pants last year and never looked back. It doesn’t mean you won’t ever be that size again – but don’t dishonor who you are today. Today is all that matters when you get up and have to get dressed, after all. Don’t you, today, deserve to wear something that fits you and makes you feel good?
How are you doing with this challenge?
It’s going good! I have taken time to dress myself and thinking ahead of what I want to wear, and wearing clothes i kept for the “good days”. And I felt sooo much better about myself! I’m more happy even! I’m a bit more patient with my kids and a bit less grumpy
i didn’t imagine how much it impacts my humor the way i’m dressing. Even if I staying home sewing, i’ll dress with clothes I like 
) thank you so much for this challenge it made me realize i could feel great about myself each and everyday!
@Cul de Sac: I’m so glad!! I’m trying to do the same thing. I don’t dress particularly nicely EVERY day…but I’m trying to do it more often, even when I’m at home alone. It IS amazing how much it can affect my attitude!
Hi Yancy! These posts about dressing to feel beautiful have hit home with me. I have been working on this for the past year. I started by realizing that I have clothes that are in the style of me several years ago, and not many that reflect who I am and how I feel now. So, I started finding images online and creating a collection of ideas to figure out what my new style is. Gradually, I’ve been making changes to my current wardrobe and way of dressing that reflects the me now. But every once in a while I forget about it…which is what happened today when I was about to walk out the door in my comfy yoga pants, t-shirt, and ponytail. Then, I saw this post in my inbox. Your comment about just making a few little changes to make yourself feel pretty sounded so easy, so I added some mascara, lipstick, earrings, and scented lotion, and I felt much better. Thank you for this inspiration! It’s fun reading about your journey
@Melanie: That’s the great, crazy thing – it takes so little to jazz ourselves up a bit. Nothing wrong with t-shirts, yoga pants, whatever, so long as we LIKE it, feel good in it and if not, all we have to do is add a little something. It’s amazing what a pair of pretty earrings can do for our look and self-esteem!
I so feel you on this. But I feel like I’ve made progress since last summer when I started discovering clothes that look nice, fit my style AND are comfortable. I don’t have enough of them yet, so I still wear non-stylish clothes at home a lot, but no longer all the time. I’ve decided that while it’s okay for me to look frumpy when my husband comes home, it would be a lot nicer if I looked nice.
It’s hard finding the right clothes, but I definitely like cotton. Denim, jersey skirts, lightweight cotton weave. Scoop-neck, fitted t-shirts with a screen print. You can totally get clothes that are flattering, stylish, and still comfy and even casual enough to ride your bike (or for me, to do chores and gardening).
I know what you mean about wanting to be beautiful without dressing up. And a person can be, because beauty is what lies within. However, as you mentioned with Christa, our clothes can be a reflection of our inner selves. In fact, maybe there is something within you that holds you back from dressing nicer? That’s probably been true of me. I do want to be a good reflection of the things I stand for. This really does help motivate me to dress a little nicer.
@Lisa C: Absolutely! I definitely think that I often roll into whatever clothes are most comfy and least noticeable. I have realized that it makes me uncomfortable to dress nicely cuz I don’t like it when people look at me! Old self-image stuff from high school, long story!
But yeah, definitely something I’m working on.
Like you said, I’ve been trying to buy more comfortable, but pretty pieces – not just a baggy t-shirt, but a fitted, pretty T. Jersey skirts, loose, but pretty pants, leggings, etc. And it doesn’t take much to jazz up an outfit. I often find that putting on a pretty pair of earrings really makes me feel good!
Darn high school self-image issues. I think I’ve done that before, too–trying to hide in “unnoticeable” clothing. It kind of backfires, doesn’t it?
@Lisa C: It sure does!
Oops, I just realized I had commented on the wrong post lol. I meant to comment on the other dress beautifully one, and I hadn’t read this one yet!
“It doesn’t ultimately matter what you wear, as long as what you wear makes you feel good about yourself and how you are presenting yourself to the world.”
Exactly!! This is exactly it. If you love what you are wearing, then it doesn’t matter what everyone else is wearing. You look fab, you feel fab, so who cares if everyone is dressed up more or less or looking at you??
I always make an attempt to look “dressed” when I leave the house. This means no pajamas, sweats or yoga pants (unless I’m going to a pajama party, the gym or yoga class). In Europe people still get dressed up to go to the grocery store. It is such an American thing to be overly casual.
I do believe our clothes reflect how we feel about ourselves, but that it works both ways: Our clothes can *affect* the way we feel about ourselves. Good post.
PS I still have my skinny clothes LOL but I do NOT want to wear them ever again because they are way to immature for me now, except for my favoritest pair of jeans, which I’m only sad about not fitting again because they are still in great condition lol.
@Lisa C: Yes, I was definitely trying to focus on the fact that we don’t need to wear dresses and the like (unless we want). I, for instance, feel miles better in my comfy, but casual clothes when I put on some nice earrings, put up my hair and wear boots instead of my old, hole-y sneakers! I LOVE what you said about our clothes having an influence on us, as well – the two way street! Very well-said!
I totally agree that the way I dress can affect the way I feel. I try to dress so that I feel alright if I see some familiar faces around. I don’t want the way I dress to make me feel embarrassed to talk to anyone. Icky poo to that. I’ve wasted too much time while growing up feeling self-conscious, and now I’ve overcome that (for the most part).
One of my favorite wardrobe items that makes me feel fabulous are cool socks: florescent colors, skulls, hearts, etc, I absolutely love them and they make me smile. Also, I love wearing pro-veg t-shirts too. They make me smile as well.
@T: I LOVE your sock idea! So cute! I love wearing striped socks but I don’t have a lot of them – trying to collect some or knit them!