The new year is almost here and with it, a slew of good intentions and goals – many of which we have set before and never met. Let’s be honest: How many of you (secretly or not) have resolved to finally lose that extra weight in 2012? How many of you have set this goal before? How many times have you made this your resolution?
Why do we put ourselves through this?!
I think all of us women have been around this hamster wheel dozens of times as each new year comes and goes. Even if we do lose the weight, so many of us gain it back, and are right back where we started, more discouraged and more determined.
But here’s a question for all you readers out there: How is it that such glorious, beautiful, creative, powerful creatures such as ourselves end up reducing our vision for the next year of our lives into an action intended to improve our outer appearance? And please, let’s not kid ourselves that this is about our health. I realize that certainly IS the case for many, but not for all. There are plenty of perfectly healthy people kicking around with 20 extra pounds, just as there are numerous people at their “ideal” weights who are NOT healthy.
I have the feeling I’m going to get a lot of backlash on this issue, but I’m going to stick to my guns here. We women fiercely defend our desire to lose weight. We have a MILLION reasons why it’s okay, a MILLION rationalizations to convince ourselves and others that it’s not an aesthetic pursuit, but one of health, sexuality, empowerment, self-esteem, etc.
But I’m going to have to argue here that I believe 80% (or more) of us seeking to lose weight are doing so because we believe we will be happier, more desirable and more lovable if we are thinner. I believe 80% (or more) of us are lying to ourselves when we insist that we just want to “get our groove back”, or that we are trying to “get healthier.” I believe this because I have witnessed it and lived it, myself. I have told myself a million times that I just want to get healthier or feel sexy again, even when I’ve lost some weight, already. It’s a cycle that never ends. These little dramas are the things that we use to keep ourselves “playing small,” as Marianne Williamson would say. We don’t have time or energy to see what we can really do because we’re too busy worrying, watching and fretting over our weight.
No, really. Ask yourself, in all honesty, why you want to lose weight this year. Most of us know how to PR ourselves at this time of year. We want to “get healthy,” “eat right,” “exercise more.” We know all the politically correct ways to say this. But honestly and truly, what is beneath those words, those intentions? Do you have a secret thrill that maybe this time you will gain control and get down to that perfect number on the scale that you’ve been dreaming of? I believe that for most of us, the answer to this question is YES.
Dove's "Real Women" campaign from early 2011
So here it is, folks – my big challenge to you, one that will last the entire year: Resolve to love. There are two parts to this challenge:
1. Resolve to love yourself just as you are right now. Nothing else needs to change. When you change on the inside, the outside will change, too. The more you love and accept yourself as you are right now, the more you will find yourself making wiser choices for you mind, heart, spirit and body. Suddenly, overeating will seem more harmful than helpful. Suddenly, you’ll find yourself gravitating toward physical activities that feed your mind, spirit AND body…and you won’t have to force yourself to perform these activities (bicycle commuting, jogging with your dog, playing Wii tennis with your kids, etc.). This is it. Period. Just love and accept yourself EXACTLY AS YOU ARE RIGHT NOW (at this weight, at this size). You will truly find yourself exactly where you wanted to be all along if you diligently pursue the act of self-acceptance without worrying about food, exercise, etc.
It sounds easy, but truthfully, this is one of the hardest resolutions you could ever make for yourself. There’s no mystery why we tend to set our goals around food, exercise, numbers on the scale – this is easier than learning to see ourselves through the eyes of love on a consistent basis. Yet we can accomplish nothing of true value if we cannot see the value inherent within us at any given moment, no matter what we look like on the outside.
2. Resolve to keep yourself in a space of love. This means that the only diet you can focus on is one in your mind – cutting all the calories of those nasty, negative thoughts. If you haven’t tried this one yet, you will likely be shocked to find out how often you have negative thoughts. This is something I have worked on for many, many years, and yet, only this past year do I feel that I’ve made some significant steps towards positivity. A Course in Miracles calls our negative thought mill the “ego,” which is “suspicious at best and vicious at worst.” When we run on autopilot, this is often our default setting: the ego. The negativity. The fear-based thoughts and manifestations. Over time, this becomes such a rut in our minds that we don’t even realize we are doing it!
The only way to climb out of these rutted paths is a daily practice of “redirection.” Start your mornings in a way that allows you to put your best foot forward (prayer, meditation, etc.). Listen to your thoughts and change course as often as necessary (which can seem like a never-ending process, LOL!). The only diet that truly matters is this – cutting out those negative thoughts and nourishing ourselves with positive thoughts. The perfect place to start is right here with your weight. Can you learn to love yourself just as you are now? Can you extend that acceptance to others?
Now what sounds like a better resolution to you: Losing weight or loving yourself and cultivating a positive mental habit?
Want to join in the Resolve to Love Challenge? Leave a comment here telling us why you are joining in and how you intend to start your practice of self-acceptance and positive thinking. You can join any time during the year. I will revisit this topic often and would love to hear from you as we go along!
I’d love to start out with a survey. There are ten questions (9 are multiple choice). You can skip any questions you don’t want to answer. No personal information is required so this is completely anonymous. Please note that I will be sharing the responses on this blog, though again, it will all be completely anonymous! Thanks and Happy New Year!
Years ago I lost 30 lbs and remember how much faster/stronger/happier I felt in a body that was able to give back to me, and it’s what I want to feel again. I know I am slower on my bike because I’m hauling around more weight than most – and I know I’m putting a lot of pressure on my joints with my current weight. There are a lot of reasons, and I definitely agree that loving the self is vital to getting where we want physically – and people need to support each other. Women can be very insensitive to other women – I have a size 4 coworker who constantly talks about how ‘fat’ she is and how much ‘fatter’ she used to be, and every time it just sinks me as I probably weigh twice what she is. I have mixed feelings about ‘fat acceptance’ though, I admit, because Americans are getting bigger and bigger because they are stuffing themselves with processed, sugary, greasy foods and then expect seats to be bigger, etc. We have to start being more accountable as a society as to how we are treating or mistreating our bodies, and provide the emotional support needed so that it’s not ‘quick fix’ in losing weight but rather helping people feel better about themselves so they can lose, and prevent future weight gain that puts them in unhealthy ranges. It’s okay to have some definitions around what is and isn’t obese, and at the same time, show all sizes of women so that we know, no matter where we are in controlling our weight, that we are still sexy and attractive. It’s a complex issue, and I’m glad you brought it up.
